In His Own Words

From Outreach (TSG’s Newsletter Nov/Dec 2002)

Torkom wrote hundreds of pages recounting his life experiences. Every year in the November-December issue of Outreach, we present a special edition about Torkom and his Teachings. In this commemorative issue, we would like to share with you the following sample from Torkom’s autobiography.

People write letters to me and say, “You are doing a great service to Christ with your work,” or “You are doing a great service to the Hierarchy.” I accept their words as compliments, but I tell them that I am not doing all that I am doing to please my Master, Hierarchy, or Christ. My only goal and motive is to serve humanity. I have no glamor of making myself an important person who could be praised by Christ or others.

My only drive is to be useful for humanity. For that service I have absolutely no expectation for reward of any kind. Sometimes I am even so engaged in my service that I forget the existence of supervising powers.

In the final analysis, great Teachers are not here to praise or condemn us but to put on our shoulders heavier loads to be carried for the service of humanity. I do not think that Masters serve anyone except the cause of the Common Good. This is why all our motivation must focus on service.

We do not serve anyone, but we serve people or humanity. Once your service becomes self-service, party service, or separative service, you fail on your path and serve the parts against the interest of the whole “body.” It is deplorable that people serve their gods. It is so deplorable that people serve their race or nation at the expense of other races and nations. It is deplorable that people serve their parties, forgetting the service for humanity.

In the coming centuries, people will realize that most of their inherited pain, suffering, and unhappiness was the result of the separative spirit of their ancestors. Children of today must learn to serve no single body, no one but humanity.

* * * * *

I was building a room and plumbers and carpenters were talking with each other. One of them asked me, “What do you do?”

“I teach.”

“What?”

“Psychology, philosophy, culture, etc.”

“Then you are a philosopher.”

“Sort of….”

Days later, when I was checking the building, I met them again and one of them said, “What is philosophy?”

“Well,” I said, “philosophy means love of wisdom. Wisdom is knowledge gathered through experience. Everyone who likes to learn through experience and master the field in which he is working, he is a philosopher in that field. Thus, you are a philosopher in plumbing, and you are a philosopher in carpentry — if you love your job and work honestly.”

* * * * *

People sometimes call me or write letters to me, telling me how fortunate they are to receive guidance from me in their dream experiences. The fact is that I have no interest in contacting any person in subjective levels, except to mind my own service and training. My service is not with individuals, with those who love me or hate me. My service is to clear glamors, illusions, and maya in space as much as I can, and in this service, there are no personalities involved.

Those who love me or hate me fabricate an image of me and receive from that image the words or actions that they themselves are fabricating within their hearts. My subjective work is not related to any individual. It is related to principles and service.

It is possible that dark entities use the fabricated image of me to inspire the fabricators with certain ideas and directions. When such ideas and directions are accepted, then the dark ones begin to do their negative and destructive work. They gradually use the image in negative and obnoxious ways to discredit the image so that the fabricators eventually hate the image.

When this stage is reached, the dark forces operating in the image feel satisfied because it is easy now for them to sever my relations with those who love me — through my distorted image.

Now the dark forces have other ways of working. They try to bring to me those who are dangerous and polluted and who have many connections with destructive people. They encourage them, through the fabricated image, to come and see me, talk with me, and become closer to me so that they can begin their destructive work.

Those teachers who have vanity, ego, and an urge to show off are easily trapped in this game.

Sometimes an opportunity is given to me to teach certain groups on certain planes. I do the same job with the groups — I work to destroy glamors, illusions, and maya. I have absolutely no permission to deal with individuals and give them advice for their personal or spiritual affairs. However, some students of mine on the physical plane fabricate my image and receive the message that their hearts desire.

It is also possible that the Solar Angels of my friends use my image to impart certain instructions to them; but in such cases, again, I am absolutely not involved, nor take any credit or any blame.

I have received more than 100 letters informing me that in subjective planes I took certain people to certain higher Ashrams or put them in contact with Cosmic Consciousness or invited them to my seminars and lectures, giving them the exact address and time. To be very honest, I have no ability or power to do such things. I want to keep my head cool and not be flattered with such compliments.

I would only say that there are invisible helpers who do such things to help us, and they are the ones who should take the credit. The greatest help one can do for his Teacher is not to build glamors in him.

* * * * *

Why Do I Write?

As far as I can, my intention is:

To create a love toward beauty,

To deepen the sense of righteousness,

To increase goodwill,

To inspire with the vision of right human relations,

To create courage,

To annihilate violence, crime, and exploitation,

To challenge to creative actions,

To invite people to purify their motives and work for the common good,

To inspire in them a love for all living forms,

To open in them the sense of direction, universality, and synthesis,

To inspire them to develop the spirit of cooperation with the vision of the great Avatars,

To inspire them to strive toward enlightenment, knowledge, and beingness,

To inspire people to bloom with the flowers of virtues and with the fragrance of nobility and kindness,

To inspire people to unite and form a universal brotherhood in which there is freedom from fear, from want, and freedom of religion and speech,

To inspire man to see those who stand as obstacles on the path of progress of humanity, those whose motives originate from separatism, totalitarianism, and materialism.

As far as I understand, my task is the task of all those who stand for beauty, goodness, righteousness, joy, and freedom.

I would say that I am not a medium but a man who is able to penetrate into the higher states of consciousness and intuition and bring down to the world a wealth of ideas, vision, and wisdom.

I am very well familiar with the Ageless Wisdom — the Vedas, Upanishads, Bhagavad-Gita, the Puranas, the writings of Helena Blavatsky, Helena Roerich, Alice Bailey, and Gudjieff. But I am not limited or drowned in them. I am myself.

At first glance it appears that I am trying to interpret these Teachings, but when you go deeper you see that I am pursuing new paths, new formulas, new sources of inspiration, and often I am filling in the gaps or explaining the hints from these literatures, revealing the blind spots, and bringing out some expressions which by themselves stand as abstractions.

My literature is not separative. It is all-inclusive. Whoever reads my books feels an urge and inspiration to read Alice Bailey, Helena Blavatsky, Agni Yoga, and Gurdjieff with more understanding and clarity.

I assume that there is only one Teaching, and this concept is explained in The Psyche and Psychism in such a beautiful and inspiring way, and also in my book The Ageless Wisdom.

I have received thousands of letters telling me how grateful people are for my words as they make the whole Teaching clear and simple.

Another excellent characteristic of my literature is that I have systematized the Teaching and have given specialized Teachings about:
Meditation
Antahkarana
Solar Angel
Science of becoming oneself
Aum
The role of men and women
Dark forces
Creativity
Healing
Buddha, Christ, Hiawatha
Shamballa
Group consciousness
Sufis
Inspiration
Enlightenment
Revelation
Full moon festivals
Discipleship
Triangles
Purpose
Obsession and possession
Psychism
Virtues
Power of joy and bliss
Power of thought
New visions
Deeper mysteries of dreams
Visualization
Creative imagination
Happiness
Responsibility
Psychic energy
Mystery of music
Space
Energy
Future

My literature is itself a library and even a commentary for the treasures of the Ageless Wisdom.

I write in a compressed style. You cannot find sentences or even a word that can be thrown out. This literature is a compact organism that expands its light within you as you read it more carefully.

I am an accomplished composer and play seven musical instruments. My music has a unique quality of depth.

I am very confident that my Teaching will spread all over the world, and numberless groups will be formed to propagate it in many languages. My Teaching unites all that is highest in all Teachings, and eventually a path of unity will be established among many Teachings.

I came to make the Teaching practical for another five hundred years. When the earth fully enters into Aquarius, I will come again to serve the Great Ones, anchoring Their Teaching into the ocean floor of the masses.

My Teaching will have its main temple, from which it will spread all over the world. Great disciples will organize the Teaching in many ways to further penetrate into the consciousness of the masses.

I will be with this humanity for a long time, because I know the woes of humanity.

I served humanity in the capacity of king, soldier, statesman, teacher, priest, physician, artist, banker, and messenger. In all departments of human endeavor, I did my best.

My duty is related to the masses of people. I understand their psychology, the cause of their suffering, the ways by which they can change their suffering into joy. I can lead them to the future.

I work in this capacity as a servant of Great Ones.

My sufferings and limitations all are the result of my certain personality failures on the path of my dedicated service. They are necessary to keep me on the right track.

All my relations with people are based on a resolution to help them, to uplift them, and to guide them toward Home.

My Teaching is yet under the mist of the morning. The day will come soon when the veil will disappear and with all its beauty my Teaching will shine.

The glory of my Teaching will go to my Teachers. It is They Who conceived me in the womb of Their consciousness.

With all my sincerity and honesty, I consider myself only Their servant, Their soldier who will carry again the flag of victory in the valleys, hills, and mountains.

Many people ask me how I am receiving my books or lectures, and they further inquire if I am a channel, medium, or a prophet. To be very serious, I am not a channel, medium, or prophet.

“Then,” they say, “how do you write all these books?” I want to explain the way I write these books. But I wonder if they will understand my information.

Before I write I feel an electrical field around my head and spine. This is not a mechanical process, but by my own will I create such a field around me. I uplift my consciousness and I keep silence for a few seconds. Then I feel beams of light going out of my head. Then I feel new rays from the space penetrating into my mental body.

The beams of light going out of my brain are radar rays which detect ideas, visions, formulated or unformulated knowledge, and reflect them back on the mirror of my mental body.

Sometimes such precipitations are so fast and abundant that I try not to lose them by just putting down key words, so as to trace the precipitations later, and continue with the theme of my writing.

The rays that hit my mental body come from a source that is above me, maybe twenty-one feet. It is a bright nucleus of light.

These rays hit various parts and centers in my mental body and activate them in a synchronous way. This is the moment that I like the most — when I feel like one integrated whole.

Through such an activation or stimulation, memories reveal themselves very clearly. Stories, events, images, names, come to the surface and enrich my writings.

Sometimes the condition of my brain and mind is fantastic, sometimes sloppy. When it is sloppy, I like to sleep or play music until the condition is improved. I feel that I am not in contact with a particular master mind.

Actually, I have deep reverence for Masters and Angels and do not want to waste Their time in my efforts of writing.

Of course, I cannot reject Their help, if They think I can handle it right. But so far, I have no direct message or instructions from Them in my writings.

But, curiously enough, I have contact with electromagnetic clouds of thoughts, emanated from the minds of certain Masters. Sometimes these “clouds” are so gorgeous and so profound that I feel I need another five thousand years to approach and use them. Sometimes one small drop of such “clouds” becomes the foundation of a book or a poem.

The electrical field around my head is always there, sometimes agitated, sometimes serene. Without that field all my creativity becomes average.

Of course, before I write I ask the blessings of the Christ and of my Teacher and feel Their blessings as I write or speak.

Often, I contact the Treasury of my Chalice in which I find very valuable jewels of wisdom, stories, and past experiences. Once I contact this Treasury, I write continuously as if a current of energy is keeping the wheels turning.

Sometimes I feel that someone is overshadowing me. This happens especially when I speak to large audiences.

Other times I feel I am geared into the mind that wants to help me. No one dictates to me, but in such cases I see seeds, ideas, thrown into my mind on which I meditate and write chapters in my book or compose music or give a lecture.

I spend only half an hour or at the most one hour to prepare my lectures or seminars. Five minutes of silence opens the doors and windows of the topic upon which I have decided to talk.

On some occasions I feel that my mind is illuminated by my Inner Guide. I feel Its Presence sometimes very close during the lectures. In some lectures I know very clearly what I am going to say ten minutes before I speak.

The answers to some questions are ready, even before the person opens his mouth to ask. One day before people asked me a question, I gave their answer.

Sometimes telepathically I know their questions and I do not let them waste time in asking the questions.

On occasion my mind is occupied with a deep conversation in higher levels. Such conversations are not verbal but rather an exchange of currents of ideas or being present in some sphere where certain discussions are going on.

There is also another source that is very powerful. I can call it my Core.

Sometimes I contact my Core and I release a volcanic fire from It. These energy releases go with me for months.

In this incarnation I see that I must learn to stand on my own feet to bring greater contributions to humanity in future lives. Up to this time, I have never been dictated to by any Master or spirit or entity. I like to keep them away so as not to interfere with my business. I, myself, want to stand on my own feet and reach mastery.

I appreciate all the help that they can give me, but I feel that I have no right to waste their time and energy, and I have to depend on my inner essential divinity.

On certain occasions the electrical field around my head becomes very tense or condensed, especially when I am answering certain questions from an audience.

I realized this for the first time when I was in Pretoria, South Africa in 1980. Also, when I was in Brasilia in 1985 and in Zurich in 1986.

I receive greater stimulation when dangerous or tricky questions are presented to me.

Sometimes before a question is ended, an answer is totally ready in my mind. This surprises and shocks certain people; and I feel great joy in these moments.

I never used narcotics, tobacco, or marijuana. I never searched for any stimulant, though rhythmic music helps me to focus and raise my consciousness.

I noticed also that paintings of great artists, such as Nicholas Roerich, expand the electromagnetic field around my head.

When this electromagnetic field becomes unbearable, I usually rush to the piano and play my own music. Thus, I release the tension. I can release the tension through writing, also, but the process of delivery in writing takes longer.

I noticed also that for a month I will write small papers on various subjects, but at the end, to my amazement, I see that they were parts of one whole book.

Sometimes a topic comes into my mind, for example, about solemnity. I put it down, and later I find that it fits exactly in an unpublished chapter waiting for publication.

Thus, my mental computer knows what I need to write to make things more complete.

When a book is ready, I hold the manuscript in my hands and feel if it is completed or not. When I feel that it is not completed, I start reading it. Sometimes I find “gaps,” confused explanations, typing mistakes, even lost paragraphs. I do my best, and then measure it again in my hand. When I feel it is complete, I let it go to meet its destination.

People sometimes wonder why I like to read books that are totally against my beliefs or teachings. The reason is that I use them as dogs to call out the sleeping inspirations from the rooms of my mind.

Some of my writing is done to try to answer idiots.

My greatest joy is reading the Agni Yoga books. Sometimes when I start to read one of the Agni Yoga books, friends ask me, “You are again reading that book? How many times have you read it in these six months?” They are surprised at my answer when I tell them that in six months, I am still on the fifth page! They wonder why. The reason is that every sentence in Agni Yoga is a path to Infinity, and I often lose myself on those paths.

My Teacher, Who travels in various planes on earth, does not give direct Teaching to me, but He watches with His fiery eyes and gives me courage. Sometimes I feel His grief for my stupidities and impatience. Sometimes He sends to me those who help me to do my job, and those who create specific problems to train me in my job. I feel His hand over me when I am in danger. My heaviest problem sometimes instantaneously evaporates, and I enter into the radius of my creativity.

I feel that He does not want me to worry because it is a sign for Him that I do not have yet complete faith. I am also aware that I must be bold enough to face my problems and solve them by myself.

In regard to instruction I receive, they are very short instructions and all of them are unrelated to anything I do in this world.

Some of my writings are the recordings of my experiences gathered upon certain levels of consciousness. The world for me is not a world of forms but a world of meaning and currents of energy.

I adore those who are courageous, selfless, sacrificial, and look to the future.

I may say that I had and have priceless co-workers who inspired me and encouraged me with their selfless labor and love.

In future lives we will do greater things for the world. This is the joy that is increasing in our hearts.

In all my life since childhood I was ready to help and sacrifice, never thinking about my income and my financial future.

I had very narrow days, but I had always a place to sleep, food to eat, clothes to wear, and had my house or my car.

I hope that in the future many instructions will be compiled from my books and presented to universities, which very soon will open their gates to my Teaching. My whole dream is to provide those ideas that will help people to build a happy life in their home, nation, and in the world.

* * * * *

The Tibetan Master said once that even if everybody leaves you, you are going to do it by yourself.

It is the time now to think great — to have faith that if I do so much — you can do as a group one hundred times more if you have that dedication.

All the Teaching that is given to you is as a loan. You are going to use it, multiply it, and have a great harvest. The world is changing. People are disillusioned by false teachings. Very soon people will demand those who can teach and be examples of big thinking. People who have vision and can see beyond their sex, stomach, ego, vanity, and hurt feelings will work for that vision as best they can.

Think great. Know that everything great is possible for you. Hold fast to your vision.

Have faith in invisible forces. Know that the greater you think, the closer you are to God….

(From Torkom Saraydarian’s Autobiography)

* * * * *

Torkom’s Birthday Celebration – The Legacy Continues

Every year, Torkom’s Birthday celebration (actual birth date – November 1st) takes on a new note: We celebrate Torkom’s Life and Legacy. We invite all our readers, friends, co-workers, and our co-students to join us in the celebration of Torkom’s life and legacy at TSG Center in Arizona (or by virtual celebration.) We invite you to make a commitment to honor and uphold the pure Teaching. We invite you to become an active disciple in the service of mankind.

We honor Torkom by honoring his work and his life’s accomplishments, as well as continue the work he left for us. He lived his life as an example for us and invited us to be actively involved and do better and better. His life was not a stop sign on a long road, but a life dedicated to bringing more and more people onto the highways of the Teaching. He did not want us to glamorize his personality, but he did want us to honor the Teaching and become active disciples. He was not impressed by phenomena and spiritual showoffs, but he was in love with Truth, and he was in love with serving the Teaching.

His life is a beacon for us on stormy nights. His books, his music, and his lectures will continue to heal and charge us in all the days of our lives.

Gita Saraydarian
President and Founder of TSG Foundation